Look, yeah, I don’t want to be seen in public with you anymore, if we could downgrade to friends with benefits that would be great.
Did you read the letter triggering article 50? I saw Patrick Harvie questioning its erudition on Twitter, and thought I’d have a look. What a freaking embarrassment. It is here on the BBC if you want to take a look:
To me it reads like a man who is breaking up with his girlfriend but who wants to retain conjugal entitlement. If it had included the phrase ‘deep and special partnership’ one more time I might have vomited.
This is the type of scenario the Theresa May seems to want to play out:
UK: ‘Look yeah, I want to break up with you, you’re my closest friend, we have a deep and special partnership. I want us to agree to keep that deep and special partnership.’
EU: ‘What do you mean, I though you wanted to break up?’
UK: ‘I do, but I want us to keep the deep and special bits’
EU: ‘Well, what do you mean?’
UK: ‘Well… if we could just do friends with benefits that would be great’
The task before us
The final part of May’s letter, where Theresa outlines The task before us, is where the level of urine extraction really comes home to roost (the irony is so huge it demands a mixed metaphor).
In this section the EU are told that ‘there are signs that protectionist instincts are on the rise in many parts of the world, Europe has a responsibility to stand up for free trade in the interest of all our citizens’.
I mean come on!
Treat them with some level of respect for crying out loud.
So the UK pulls a bullshit move, giving in to protectionist calls to stop those immigrants and foreigners taking our good old imaginary British jobs, and opts to leave the biggest free trade block in the world, but still has the arrogance to say you had better give us a free trade deal.
It is madness. We currently have a free trade deal with Europe, our Government is choosing to leave it and to tell the EU they have a responsibility to give us another one.
I’m not a career diplomat, maybe this is how things are done. But it seems to me that sending the EU a letter which tries to hypnotise the negotiators with repetition of the phrase deep and special might not be enough to get another free trade deal (like the one we already have!).
Never mind friends with benefits, the UK is on the road to being blocked on Facebook, Twitter and deleted from the WhatsApp group.